The yachting industry has made huge strides in recent years, but let’s not pretend it’s all smooth sailing for LGBTQ+ crew. Many still navigate a strange blend of tolerance, tokenism, or silence - where being “accepted” means not rocking the boat by being too visible.

If we want a truly inclusive industry, it’s not enough to say “we don’t care who you love.” We need to actively create environments where queer crew feel respected, supported, and safe to show up as their full selves.

This chapter isn’t just for LGBTQ+ crew - it’s for everyone who wants to be part of the solution.

Let’s break it down.

Some LGBTQ+ crew have supportive teams, open conversations, and a zero-bullshit captain who makes it clear that discrimination won’t fly.

Others… don’t.

Instead, they get:
🔴 “Jokes” that are actually microaggressions
🟠 Awkward silence when their partner is mentioned
🟡 Backhanded comments like “Well, just don’t be too gay”
🟢 A culture of don’t ask, don’t tell

And then there are the ones who hide their identity entirely - just to get the job or keep the peace.

That’s not inclusion. That’s being silenced.

Being queer isn’t a lifestyle choice. It’s not “edgy.” It’s not something you should have to “tone down.” LGBTQ+ crew deserve the same respect, recognition, and space as everyone else, onboard and off.

And let’s not forget: mental health takes a harder hit when you’re constantly self-editing.

Imagine living at work 24/7 while having to monitor your language, pronouns, clothes, humour, and who you mention in conversation. It’s exhausting. And it’s unnecessary.

It’s not about rainbow flags in the crew mess. It’s about real action, like:

1. Normalising Inclusive Language

🔵 “Partner” instead of assuming husband/wife
🟣 “They/them” until you’re sure of someone’s pronouns
🔴 Avoiding lazy stereotypes or gendered job assumptions

 Small shifts. Big impact.

Not just blatant homophobia, banter counts too. Crew should know that jokes at the expense of someone’s sexuality or gender identity aren’t edgy. They’re exclusionary.

Captains and senior crew? You set the tone. Make it crystal clear what’s not okay.

Don’t rely on the gay or trans crew member to explain everything. Google is free. So are conversations that start with, “Hey, I want to understand this better, can I ask you something?”

Let LGBTQ+ crew be. Let them mention their partner. Let them bring who they are to the table without side-eyes or awkward silences.

And if they want to talk about their identity? Let them. If they don’t? That’s okay too.

 🌈 Real Crew, Real Talk

“I spent two years pretending my boyfriend was a ‘flatmate.’ I was terrified of being labelled difficult or dramatic. I wish I’d had a safer space to just be me.” -  Steward, 30

“The engineer made constant ‘jokes’ about lesbians. My HOD brushed it off as banter. I left the boat within a month.” -  Deckhand, 24

“Our captain was amazing. When I came out, he said, ‘Cool - thanks for trusting me. Also, can you double-check the tender fuel?’ Exactly the response I wanted.” -  Bosun, 29

“Being trans on board is tough. I didn’t need people to get everything right - just to try. The ones who did made the boat feel like home.” -  Chef, 34

How to stay grounded when things are feeling a bit… 2004:
🔴 Find your people. Even one ally onboard can change everything.
🟠 Don’t force disclosure. You’re not obligated to come out to anyone. Safety and comfort come first.
🟡 Know your worth. If a boat makes you feel small, unsafe, or like you have to hide - you deserve better.
🟢 Use your voice, if you can. Every honest conversation chips away at the silence for the next generation.

Supporting LGBTQ+ crew isn’t about being “woke” or politically correct. It’s about being decent. Respectful. Human.

The best boats encourage and nurture real team culture - and you can’t build trust if some people are hiding in plain sight.

This isn’t just an industry issue. It’s a leadership issue. A crew culture issue. A we can do better issue.

And we will - one boat, one crew, one conversation at a time.

1. Use Inclusive Language Without Making It Weird
Say partner instead of assuming gender. Don’t make a big deal if someone uses “they/them.” Just adapt and move on - seamlessly is best.

2. Shut Down the “Banter”
If someone makes a homophobic or transphobic joke? Call it out. Even a simple, “Not cool, mate” works. Silence equals approval in tight crew dynamics.

3. Don’t Ask Invasive Questions
Being gay doesn’t mean someone owes you their coming-out story. Being trans doesn’t mean you can ask about surgeries. Curiosity is not a free pass.

4. Be Visible with Your Support - Quietly
You don’t need to wave flags (but you can if you want). Just have their back in conversations. Defend their right to exist without fuss. Consistent respect is superior to performative pride posts.

5. Reflect, Don’t Deflect
If someone calls you out, don’t get defensive. Say, “Thanks for telling me.” Learn. Grow. Do better next time. That’s allyship in action.

Bonus Rule: If you wouldn’t say it in front of a HR manager with a clipboard, don’t say it in the crew mess either.

 
 🌈 This chapter is featured in Superyacht Life: How to Start, Succeed, & Stay Sane by Erica Lay — a straight-talking guide to yacht crew life, including real talk on inclusion, identity, and finding your place on board. Available 1st October on Amazon.