Berth: parking space for yachts. Remember to pay and display or you´ll get clamped or towed away.
Stern: the way the captain looks when you´ve spilt varnish all over the teak.
Bow: the pointy end of the yacht.
Hull: a rather miserable town in the North of England.
Deck: what your mate does to you when you try to chat up his missus. Also 52 cards.
Foredeck: 208 cards.
Deckhand: the hand the mate uses to smack you with.
Crew Cabin: tiny shoebox sized space used to hold at least two members of crew (stacked), several laptops, skype headsets, webcams, digital cameras and i-phones. And some clothes.
Guest Cabin: spacious luxurious room for the guests to sleep, loaf and generally spread out in.
Bunkering: very expensive process required to make the yacht go. Also used to describe where the captain spends the majority of his time on a golf course.
Fender: foam or air filled bumper used to hit crew with when they´re naughty.
Draught: beer on tap.
Aboard: piece of thick card or wood.
Freeboard: as above but you don´t have to pay for it.
Starboard: as above but all glittery and pretty.
Port: what you should drink when you´re a sailor.
Awash: something all crew should have once a day. At least.
Log: trunk of a tree, lying down.
Captain´s log: as above but not yours.
Adrift: your engines have broken and you´re floating about.
Capsize: measurement around your head when buying a new hat.
Grounding: ingenious method of being on land whilst still on the yacht.
Anchor chain: large metal rope often seen whizzing past and disappearing into the water when anchor released without checking the other end is attached to the yacht.
Propellor: metal spinning thing that looks like a fan that makes the yacht go. Good place for winding coils of rope around quickly and efficiently.
Keel: the large fin on the underside of a yacht, it helps with stability and stops the yacht moving sideways. Also can be used to stop forward momentum in shallow areas.
Tender: how your insides feel after a heavy night on the grog, or after a puke inducing crossing.
Bilge: the compartment at the bottom of the hull which collects water, fuel, horrible smelly things and usually where you drop your keys or mobile phone. Also what the chief stew talks after too many cocktails.
Boom: the spar supporting the sail, this is the part to duck if it comes your way. Also the noise the yacht makes if it hits something.
Heave: method of weight control by expelling unwanted calories whilst underway in choppy seas, thus avoiding digestion.
Current: strong drag of water going in the opposite direction to where you want to go.
Stern To/Bow To/Alongside: Parking positions.
Bimini: an island in the Bahamas.
Bridge: the command centre of the yacht, also known as the wheelhouse, usually where the Captain can be found practicing being stern. Also a clever land device used to remove funnels, masts or top decks if the bridge is positioned correctly.
Windward: the windy side of the yacht.
Leeward: the other side.
Mast: the big pointy stick in the middle of the sail yacht that holds up the big sail.
Rudder: the flap of metal at the back of the yacht beneath the water that helps the yacht change direction. Also the first bit of a yacht to break off when the captain berths stern to and forgets to stop.
Rigging: how tonedeaf morons win the X factor/American Idol.
Standing Watch: a free standing time keeping device.
OOW: Officer of the Watch, the guy who is specifically in charge of the biggest timepiece onboard.
First Mate: your best friend.
Marina: parking spot for your yacht.
Skipper: Barbie’s little sister.
Mess: where the crew eat; generally a term used to describe the area where crew reside.
Anchor Watch:keeping an eye on the big metal fork that should stop the yacht moving when it is deployed.
Knot: something you learn lots of varieties of when you´re doing Yachtmaster courses and then forget how to do them when you´ve been on a motoryacht for five minutes.
GPS: great device to help you get from one point to another until the battery runs out.